Miscellaneous

Semi-vent and info dump.


Fixating mega hardcore on another chinese media. A cartoon/game called AOTU World. I found it by accident on AO3 when I was just randomly checking cartoon section of fandoms. I saw how popular AOTU was there, with more than 5000 fics, except... The English fandom is basically nonexistent. There's almost zero content about it, nothing, it's barren. Which for me is absolute misery, because part of me enjoying the media is enjoying the fandom, which is on a whole different language, and the thing is, THE FANDOM IS FUCKING HUGE IN CHINA BUT I DON'T UNDERSTAND ANYTHING!!! This is mega thousands time painful. The fanarts and fanfics are so vast in the fandom, BUT I DON'T UNDERSTAND ANYTHING. It's a really wild experience, it feels like my world view has been massively expanded, because it was my first time witnessing that there's a bunch of really popular media with a bunch of fans that don't have a majority of english speaking fans. Im just used to always seeing english fanbase on every media. Anime is a great example, although it's Japanese, it has a lot of english speaking fans (worldwide even). It feels like I've digitally traveled to a whole another world that I never knew existed, it's so much fun, I love finding out about popular social media alternatives that Chinese fans use. Honestly, even fanfiction experience is pretty fun, when I just copy parts of a fanfic and plug it into chat gpt with google translator. Anyways, the show is so much fun to watch, I fucking love the character designs, love how colorful and crazy everyone looks. The characters have great personalities, I think I love every character there, I don't find anyone annoying, everyone is quite well developed, IT'S LOVELY!!! Although there are some issues, first of all is the lack of diversity, the show has only like 2 dark skinned characters. One of them is a major bad guy and it's really iffy that the only colored character is a fucking villain of the show, the other one is a background character that probably died some time later idk. Another issue is the female writing, although you may argue that it's just non-adult teenager behavior, (cuz adult female characters don't really behave that way in the show. AND THEY'RE GREAT!) but the girls behave in a very gender role/stereotypical way, like I highkey find it annoying how looks and cuteness are always brought up when it comes to female to female conflict, like sometimes it even feel extremely out of character. But oh well, at least the girls have actual personalities, and the show toned it down on that aspect in later seasons. OVERALL, AMAZING 10/10!!! I CANNOT STOP THINKNG ABOUT IT!!!!!!
Update: have been watching and listening to the season 3 opening (my favorite one). I AM GOING CRAZY! THE OP HAD 2 DIFFERENT VERSIONS, THE 2ND ONE HAS MORE ANGST AND DEPRESSION AND SPOILERS I DINDNT EVEN NOTICE. IM ACTUALLY GOING INSANE. I FUCKING LOVE THIS SHOW EWIAFGHIAWUFGHWAOIFH8AW

A bad fanfic xP


I feel like I can reach you this time

Kris was sitting in the living room couch, playing Smash. Their posture was slumped and defeated, tired of fighting against bots. It was easy, the bots were repetitive and predictable, Kris was not trying hard or even paying much attention to the game. It was evening already, they had been playing for a long time now. In one of their next rounds, the bot appeared to be a falcon. A character that really reminded them of a friend who has recently fallen. They began to reminisce about their memories playing with Berdly, always frustrated at Kris for being a better gamer, although he'd never admit this.


*You said skill issue and to just pick a better character
"I cannot betray someone of MY kin! He is perfect, like me, and the most ideal and balanced character compared to the rest of the subpar... characters... that you always choose to play. And I know you're always cheating somehow with that wuh-wav-WAVEDASH thing!"


Kris unplugged their console, heading to bed to try to forget about the day. Sleep didn't come easily, they stayed awake until midnight, they couldn't fall asleep. After thrashing around in their bed, trying different positions, laying still with their eyes closed, they couldn't take it anymore, patience wore down waiting for sleep. They hopped out of their bed and made a decision to leave the stuffy house, to deal with the inner distress that was taunting and bothering them for the past few days and weeks, not allowing them to rest well. They very quitely head out of the house, to not disturb anyone up, closed the door slowly behind them, and began to walk towards the library. It was a quiet night, but their thoughts were loud, they were lost in them, not just thoughts but a lot of complicated emotions. Kris hadn't noticed they've arrived to their destination, until they saw a big mispelled sign of the library that broke them out of their trance. Ironic, they always thought to themself. They broke in using their almost long lost lockpicking skills, and head straight to the direction of the computer lab, walking briskly towards it, the closer the got the greater the dread they began feeling. Once in, they slowly approached the door to the server room and opened it very gently, hesitating for a moment. They were met with a remnant of what was once Berdly, barely kept alive, his dust all over the cold floor, unstable. His form was barely visible under his own slow melting ash. He looked almost like dust bunny, and as if he was not gonna live another day, yet he "did" for a few weeks. Kris slowly approached him, rubbing their arm, they stood still for a moment, before bending down and laying down next to him, not too close and facing against him. They clutched their knees together. They stayed like this for a moment before the sleep finally caught on to them.
Kris opened their eyes, seeing a vast blue sky, same dream again. They got up, taking in the view of the never ending field of grass. This time, something caught their eye, a figure. Berdly in the distance, facing against them, he wasn't fallen. They lifted themself, looking at him in bewilderment almost, and slowly began to approach him, the feelings of guilt growing every step, for what they've done. But the view of him wasn't getting bigger, instead he was getting farther away from them, no matter what, they couldn't get closer to him. At this point they were running after him, the world was going dark with them until he was nothing but a dot in their view.


*You called out for Berdly. But Berdly didn't come


Kris woke up abruptly, sweating and breathing heavy. They turned to look at Berdly, nothing was moving anymore, already gone. All that remained of him was a pile of dust. They stared blankly for a long time, they stood up, not even brushing the dust clinging to them, and left the library. It was dawn when they were walking home. Everything felt unreal to them with everything that happened in just a single month. Dark worlds with weird creepy people? spouting cryptic nonsense about control, and their lack of control.
They've arrived home, not bothering to be quiet anymore and headed to the washroom, turning on the sink, etting the water run. They splashed their face in the water, and looked up to the mirror, at their own reflection. Their eyes, the red that reminded them of their soul. The object that took away their free will, the thing that made them hurt people, kill them. They slumped down, head low, gripped the sides of the sink, they stayed like this for a while, with only the sound of water still running. They turned off the sink, and put their hand on their chest, they rubbed the area for a bit before taking a deep breath, after an exhalation, they violently pushed their hand into their chest for the soul, groaning in pain, they reached the soul, pulling the red glowing mass out of their body, immediately feeling weak and fatigued without it, the feeling of hollow void overtaking. But at least they had freedom. This was the only method they used to go against the soul for the past years. The soul squirmed and wriggled in their grasp. They clutched it tighter. It was painful but they didn't care. They forced the soul into the drawer locking it in. It took all their energy to climb upstairs to their room. Once they did, they immediately collapsed to their bed, with sleep catching on quickly after all the struggle with it.
Kris opened their eyes seeing the same dream, same environment. This time standing up, and looking for a figure that appeared last time. The figure of Berdly caught their eye, he was facing against them, like the previous dream, they began to go after him. Darkness was beginning to grow but this time, they managed to reach him, almost. They desperately attempted to grasp his shoulder, but the darkness caught on fast.
They woke up abruptly, groaning in pain. They felt too weak to get up, their whole body ached, yet had no energy to move. They stayed in their bed like this, not able to move because every move hurt. Everything hurt. Toriel came to their room. She opened the blinds, lighting up the whole room.


-Wake up Kris, can't be late for school, can we?
Toriel was met with silence, Kris was not able to answer her, nor perceive her even.
-Kris? -*Sigh* Alright Kris, you can skip school for today. But only this once. I've seen how tired you were, maybe you deserve a nice break. Im heading out to work now, don't sleep in too late.


Toriel exited the room, time passed very slowly for Kris. Kris squirmed in their bed, everything hurt. Moving hurt, breathing hurt, and every touch hurt. They couldn't take it anymore. They fell from their bed. Breathing heavily, and groaning from discomfort. They painstakingly crawled out of their room, and downstairs, to the bathroom, it felt like hours have passed. Toriel wasn't here to witness this. They managed to open the cupboard, where their soul resided. The soul began to float towards them. Kris gripped their soul, their hands shaking, and about to put the soul back to their body.
But they didn't.
They just held the soul, looking at it. Their look was conflicted and delirious. Every nerve of their body whined to be one with the soul again, to live again. But this meant going back to the same life that cost them everything, cost their friendships, cost Berdly. So they refused. They mustered all their strength to put the soul back inside the cupboard. Their energy was drained and fell head first to the floor, breathing heavily, breathing was starting to become a chore. They were losing consciousness each time. They were dying.
The pain started to dissipate as the time went on. They started to feel light. And somehow felt that as if they were closer to Berdly. Their deteriorating brain convinced them that this was the only way to see him again. The only thought of Kris was to reach him.


*I feel like I can reach you this time


When they opened their eyes, they were met with the same scenery, and Berdly, facing against them. This time they were calm, they were confident. They began to approach him. The darkness wasn't stopping them this time. After a long walk, they managed to approach him, and grasped his shoulder.


-...Berdly? They muttered.
-Kris. Hearing his voice, they began to break down, still grasping his shoulder, hand shaking now.
-Please, turn around...
-You should go back. He turned his head slightly, not looking at them.
They paused for a long time.
-No -I can't anymore... After a long silence, they pleaded again,
-Please.


He took a moment before turning around. His expression was sad. Kris stared at him for a while. Berdly was able to put on a small smile, expression still holding the sadness, he opened his arms. Kris dropped on them, welcoming the embrace, despite them not being fond of them. And they stood like this for a very long time.
Kris was laying on the bathroom for a long time, motionless. It was just a body now. Not even a soul can make it work again, or return Kris.